I have only ever been on one road trip in my entire seventeen years of living, but the bits and pieces that I sporadically float around in my brain bank form a memory that can be described as unpleasant, uncomfortable, long, tiring, and ends at an In-N-Out Burger in LA. Three summers ago before my sophomore year, my mom, brother, and I were driving down to California to visit my mom's cousin and her three kids that lived in a city close to Los Angeles. It was a going to be a short trip, so we didn't have many essentials packed, but we stocked the car with boxes of Cheezits, Chex Mix, peanut butter sandwiches, and drinks that officially lasted us into day one of the trip. Day two was about eight hours of driving, an inordinate and outrageous amount of time considering that our trusty GPS projected our arrival time to take only half that amount of time. But the other four hours were spent trying to navigate the streets of LA, and we got thoroughly acquainted with the city trying to figure out which exit would take us where and what streets led to which place. Of course, at the time, GPS technology did not offer machines in which one could change the voice of the navigator. So, for four hours of wrong turns and obscure streets, we got to hear the hollow and metallic voice of the "GPS" lady say, "Recalculating", with the slight intonation of irritation and condescension that only machines with voices can deliver.
Long story short, my life up to this present moment could be described by the irritation of the road trip; taking wrong turns, "recalculating", and trying again. I was born, there was my starting point, and the destination or end point changes as my goals and desires change. But in the trial-and-error process of growing up, and especially the two-year red light that I was stuck at in my eating disorder that I am still fighting, the GPS catastrophe proves to be the most fitting description. If life were a city like Los Angeles, and the streets were the decisions that I have made and learned from, I have heard my fair share of "recalculating" from the GPS. That hollow, metallic voice is similar to the people I feel that I have disappointed at different points in life; my mother, my youth pastor, my ballet teacher, my friends, and most of all, myself. But for now, I'll keep turning down the streets and trying to find my way. When I hear "Recalculating!", I'll just curse under my breath, take a U-turn, and keep on driving.
Well put Mel!!! This is a rest analogy for life!! I hadn't thought of it quite like that, but it really makes sense and is a really great picture :) good job!!!
ReplyDeleteI like your analogy Mel. It was simple to understand, yet had a profoundness to it that made it unique. I have read a few things that liken life to a road (ever heard of "Life is a Highway"?) but the way that you incorporate your story and your own personal journey makes this analogy different.
ReplyDeleteI'm realizing now that our analogies are somewhat similar, in that they include the idea of trial and error. The most important thing to remember with the idea of trial and error is to "keep on truckin' " as you insinuated in your last line. Even just to keep going can be tough, I know, but God is there to point you in the right direction. Love you so much Mel!
Mel, this story is so you-- I was laughing throughout the first half, and then wham, it got heavy and rich and true.
ReplyDeleteI heard that disappointed, irritated "recalculating" tone so often on a road trip I took about three years ago. You're right: the GPS is laden with ire.
And frankly: your analogy IS a pretty accurate depiction of both our own countless wrong turns, as well as the broken responses of the people from whom we hope for unconditional support. You've learned by now that everyone fails each other, often. What a disappointment.
I remember reading in a book that Proverbs states somewhere, "what a man desires is unfailing love." Yet everywhere that the phrase "unfailing love" is used in the Bible, it's only ever applied to God. Jeff and I have experienced that longing this week but we didn't find it in one another: he made a wrong turn, I responded with disappointment and ire. What hideous driving, right? But it's those moments especially that throw us back on our knees in prayer, seeking the REAL guidance. We're not big enough people to extend grace to ourselves or each other readily. We have to accept His grace-- in an actual, emotional way-- before we can allow ourselves and one another to be forgiven, and graced.
I hope you are able to experience His grace for all your messy driving, and that you can, in turn, extend grace to the imperfect people who messily try to love you, in spite of the disappointment you may sometimes feel from them. There's enough love from Him to cover over these multitudinous sins. We'll get there, right?
Thank you for being real!
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