I have spent a lot of time talking to my cousin Rachael lately. She makes me laugh like no one else can, and just understands how I operate. I understand her ins-and-outs too for the most part, some aspects of her character still enigmas to me, but I genuinely enjoy talking to her on the phone more than texting her, which is rare considering that I don't have a lot of time to spend talking on the phone with anyone. The following poem is a mix of the two of us: our thoughts, our hobbies, our preferences, and our personalities. I have structured the poem so that each line in the three quatrains, and the two lines in the couplet create a fluid message, but contain our distinct qualities or thoughts in the individual lines. (example: third quatrain; lines 1 and 3 correspond to me, and lines 2 and 4 correspond to Rachael, but the four lines make a complete thought.) The arrangement of lines in this poem is a nod to our similarities in spite of our differences.
For now I'll sit in this brown chair, and think,
"Be bold enough to speak. This time will pass."
But no, I like the quiet now. Black ink
Preserves my unsaid words in class.
The clock will tick in sluggish, quiet clicks.
But I make tiny paper stars with not
A hope of shine or twinkle in their slips.
The sun streams through the glass. My skin feels hot.
I sit and eat my sweet and salty snacks,
The flavors swish around my mouth like wine.
I'm loving how it tastes, and in this class,
I learn no thing of value, but I'm fine.
I'll sit with ease and make my paper stars,
To think of travel, sex, and fine cigars.
Mel I absolutely love how you can be so nonchalant and driven at the same time. I never see you overly stressed out and I think that reflects in this poem, but of course I may be way off. However, it was definitely I cool spin adding two personalities into one poem. The two personalities are different, but the same. One seems like the voice of a young adult and the other that of an aged adult. Overall, it was a very nice poem :)
ReplyDeleteVery cool approach to this composition Mel! I love that you seized the opportunity to use structure as a venue through which to present deeper meaning. My favorite part of the poem, and also the moment that hit me hardest on an emotional level, was, "But I make tiny paper stars with not / A hope of shine or twinkle in their slips." Although the poem bumped and chirped along and was generally cavalier, that line seemed to imply some pretty deep despair. And because the image was such a childish one-- just making little paper stars in class, impishly disregarding instruction-- the admission that they promised no shine or twinkle, not even the hope of one, was so sad to me... Especially, I suppose, because if there was an actual child making little paper stars, there would of COURSE be assumptions of astronomical grandeur. The contrast is poignant, and strikes me as the most honest moment of the poem. I'm not sure if I loved the ending couplet, just because the tone shifted from the mischievous delicacy which had been employed throughout the rest of the poem to something more brash. But perhaps that's the best way to sum up your relationship with Rachel?
ReplyDeleteAgain, great use of structure to present your dynamic relationship with your cousin.
15/15
UGGGGHHH that flowed so well, and excellent use of rhyming. I'm a huge fan of all the run-on lines you used because it connected your ideas within the individual quatrains and reflected the smooth character you portray in the poem. The contrast between subject matter in the final couplet is EXCELLENT thus accomplishing a powerful conclusion that leaves me thinking while still entranced by the rhymes. I also enjoy your use of tactile imagery describing the taste of the wine or the ticking of the clock after describing the quiet that you're enjoying in the first quatrain. So although the clock is making noise and is the only thing heard, it creates a peaceful ambiance which almost seemed to make me pay closer attention to the rest of the sonnet. I think it was especially effective to add the "think" part in the first line because something tells me it makes the reader think more as well.
ReplyDeleteLoved it